clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
