my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
