it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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