god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i dont even know how to be here
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
