It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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