If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
