PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
