Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
