Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
