In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
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We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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