I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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