I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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