Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
