Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
