So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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