he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
