Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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