Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Green mimosas i think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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