Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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