She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
