this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
