I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
