Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think I won the penis lottery.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
