i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
