Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
