Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
