i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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