What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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