Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
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Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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