the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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