Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
