I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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