i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
