Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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