I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
