just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
