did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
