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Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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