the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
