Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
