Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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