worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
