my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Randomize
