do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
