I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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