My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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