it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
