Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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