The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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