i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
