I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
