I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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