and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
