I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
