I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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