I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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