Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
