I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Couch. On fire.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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