Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
