He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
