these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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