Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
