It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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