I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
