I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
