So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I look better un-naked...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
