No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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