Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
