Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
