Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i already hear my dad disowning me
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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