Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
