I smell stomach acid.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
