It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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