so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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