I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
