So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize