wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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