Please, let me fuck your mom
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
